Granted a reasonable level of civility there is a very little a person can do to keep their spouse married to them. If you are a nice person and your partner leaves you it has probably nothing to do with you.
Our marriage has turned four recently and there are few things that have worked for us. These are probably the reasons or the glue that is still holding us together, despite us being less than perfect.
I have randomly listed some of them down for you!
1. We keep our friends separate. This helps us to retain some sense of individuality. Also, should we ever fall out and we need to confide in friends about it, we could do it without making the friends feel uncomfortable or stuck in between.
2. We never had any disagreements over politics or ideologies. This is probably because we value justice and fairness above any dogma.
3. We don’t have any in-law problems because we never lived with either of our families.
4. Chores: We don’t take turns or draw up schedules. Sometimes people take turns in doing laundry, cooking, throwing garbage etc This makes things rigid and resentments can easily build up when the other partner falls short in carrying out the tasks when it’s their turn to do so.
Instead we have some chores exclusively designated to either one of us. For example, I do all the cooking. Mamdhu never cooks. He is the one who always takes out the garbage, pays bills etc.
5. We keep separate blankets (as evidence by the picture above). Ideally we would like to keep two separate beds, but this should do until we get very rich!
6. Mamdhu never touches my belongings. I also try to keep my hands off his desk. The only time I allow myself near his desk is when I clean the room!
7. We don’t depend on each other to keep us entertained and away from boredom.
What do you think is holding your marriage together? I would like to hear them.
Four years ago today Mamdhu and I got married!
It has been four years of self-growth and happiness deserving of a big celebration!
I love you more than ever, Mamdhu.
I miss the time when Mamdhu and I sucked at food as eagerly as a baby sucks at a dummy-teat.
The weather is so hot in Bangkok, it has killed our appetites.
Do you lose appetite when its hot? or do you get more hungry?
When I sit down with my friends and we open up, I realize that a lot of us are still carrying tons of unresolved issues from childhood. These issues normally sit dormant in some remote corner of our psyches until we hit a trying time and start questioning everything; our lives, career, family, relationships etc. We are only left more confused with twinges of despair and self-doubts.
While reading Life’s Parachutes by Dr Paul Coleman I came across this fun mental exercise the author has quoted from Joan Borysenko
In your mind’s eye see the number three…. As you exhale let the three dissolve and become a two…. As you exhale let the two dissolve and become a one…. As you exhale let the one dissolve and become a zero. Let the zero elongate into an oval mirror, and in it you will see yourself in a scene from your childhood. What is happening? Ask your childself what he is experiencing and how he feels. Listen with great respect and love…. When the child is finished, tell him what he needs to hear…. Take a minute to comfort him. You may want to pick the child up, hug him, or stroke his hair. Do what is needed to restore the child’s sense of self, to repair the bridge that is broken. Reassure the child and give him love. Let him know that you will be back to talk again, and that he can count on you for love and understanding, no matter what. When you are ready, release the child into the mirror and let the mirror collapse into a circle. Let the circle become a one, then the one become a two, and the two become a three. Open your eyes and come back to the room.
There. Don’t you already feel better?
It was very late in the morning when we woke up. Mamdhu was out of the country for a while and he came back last night. The extra time in the bed was necessary to wind down the tiredness of travelling.
We had a quick breakfast and took a minivan from Victory Monument to Ayutthaya. It was lunch time when we reached there. We found a quiet restaurant by riverside. We had beef fried rice and a side of chicken and mushroom. We then fed the leftovers to a shawl of fish swimming by the edge of the restaurant.
After lunch we hopped into this tuk tuk and went to see Wat Yai Cha Mongkhon and ruins of Wat Phra Mahathat.
It was really hard to smile properly because of the harsh sun, this is just me goofing around with a fake laugh.
Holidays! Yippie. I woke up at 6:04 am and went to for a walk in the park. Ate some croissant and coffee on a park bench.
Stopped at JJ weekend market and bought some second hand books!
I’m excited to be spending a lot of time with Mamdhu. We’re thinking of taking a short trip to some where close to Bangkok!
Mamdhu and I took Chao Praya ferry and went to Wang Lang to see a friend admitted in the Siriraj Hospital. We saw the golden rays of sun set on our way there.
After seeing our friend we went to restaurant by the Wang Lang pier and had a scrumptious meal of som tum, chicken with cashew nut and rice.
The view from the restaurant.
My brother painted this for me.
He was never artistic as a child. He said he learned art during Maths class in Majeediya. He and his best friend had so much idle time in the class because they finish their sums before the teacher could finish his sentence! Woah!
The rest of the class time they spent drawing and by the end of the school year they have become pretty good at it!
He is also a great fish lover! Fishing, rearing fishes, talking about fishes and everything else that has anything to do with fishes used to be his only passion before he took up art. This picture beautifully combines both passions and I love that!
I love you, Muddo.